holy cow i had never heard of fibroids before but the experience sounds very intense, harrowing, and a bit lonely... thank you for sharing 💗
i also love how you describe shame and addiction, it's interesting to me how the things which cause us shame can sound so innocuous to outsiders... like when i first read your definition of Pagophagia my first thought was: "aw that sounds endearing and cute!" but that's so different from your internal experience of it...
Yes so true about the innocuous! It got pretty bad but only Jim saw it - me greedily crushing broken up ice and hovering over hte bowl of it completely consumed - compulsion is such a bizarre feeling. Glad you know about fibroids now and may you never have them!
We're fibroid friends! Betty! Glad you got rid of her and hopefully all of the nasty side effects. It's impossible for people to know what you've gone through, and I'm so glad you wrote about your experience here to let readers see a glimpse of what it means to have fibroid(s). Outwardly it's often invisible (unless you chip off ice in the freezer...) yet women go through incredible pain and anxiety that no one ever will know. I recognize much in your writing. I had to remove my entire uterus together with multiple large fibroids in 2018. Think about that scene from Alien. That was how I thought of my fibroids and uterus. It was a freakin' alien invasion. The whole area was so messed up with endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids that it wasn't worth cutting around things. I've thought about sharing my fibroid story sometime. I think I still haven't processed everything.
Fibroid Friends Unite! You know what is so odd is that I'm so close to my own story that I didn't mention the surgery was a hysterectomy, not just removal of the fibroid. I kept my ovaries but lost my uterus, cervix, and obviously Fibroid Betty. A friend suggested I name my fibroid so taht I wouldn't feel - as you did - like she was an invader. She was a part of me. Another friend suggested I paint wtih the blood from my. last bleeding, which I did! So I think befriending my body helped but also holy shit the anxiety of it alll. . . losing waht i equated to my femininity and sexuallty - and yet there was no way i could survive bleeding the way i did. Hey, we both had our hysterectomies in 2018! Fibroid Friends Forever!
So funny how similar our experiences are! I also had a partial hysterectomy (saved ovaries and cervix) via laparoscopy. And, since I still have my ovaries I still have cysts. But they’re finally shrinking.
I also painted my gazillion fibroids! Not in blood but watercolor! I keep the painting in my bathroom and look at it every day.
Yes, the anxiety and everything around it. Blargh! I’m just grateful my rockstar surgeon (a woman!) did such a great job that I don’t have any periods anymore! At least there’s that.
Ah I really enjoy hearing your story and do hope you write about it. Love the similarity as I felt so solo during it all. My surgery was in a Woman's hospital and while all my nurses, anesthesiologist, and prettyy much the whole staff were women, my surgeon was my obgyn at the time - the only man who seemed to be in that whole place ha. And yea, on periods is where it's at!
You have such an incredible way with words. I love reading your thoughts and letting them inspire me to be a better writer as well. As you know, I'm a big fan of honest writing. Thank you for always sharing your experiences with us.
holy cow i had never heard of fibroids before but the experience sounds very intense, harrowing, and a bit lonely... thank you for sharing 💗
i also love how you describe shame and addiction, it's interesting to me how the things which cause us shame can sound so innocuous to outsiders... like when i first read your definition of Pagophagia my first thought was: "aw that sounds endearing and cute!" but that's so different from your internal experience of it...
Yes so true about the innocuous! It got pretty bad but only Jim saw it - me greedily crushing broken up ice and hovering over hte bowl of it completely consumed - compulsion is such a bizarre feeling. Glad you know about fibroids now and may you never have them!
We're fibroid friends! Betty! Glad you got rid of her and hopefully all of the nasty side effects. It's impossible for people to know what you've gone through, and I'm so glad you wrote about your experience here to let readers see a glimpse of what it means to have fibroid(s). Outwardly it's often invisible (unless you chip off ice in the freezer...) yet women go through incredible pain and anxiety that no one ever will know. I recognize much in your writing. I had to remove my entire uterus together with multiple large fibroids in 2018. Think about that scene from Alien. That was how I thought of my fibroids and uterus. It was a freakin' alien invasion. The whole area was so messed up with endometriosis, adenomyosis and fibroids that it wasn't worth cutting around things. I've thought about sharing my fibroid story sometime. I think I still haven't processed everything.
Ha, Betty! Great name! :-)
Fibroid Friends Unite! You know what is so odd is that I'm so close to my own story that I didn't mention the surgery was a hysterectomy, not just removal of the fibroid. I kept my ovaries but lost my uterus, cervix, and obviously Fibroid Betty. A friend suggested I name my fibroid so taht I wouldn't feel - as you did - like she was an invader. She was a part of me. Another friend suggested I paint wtih the blood from my. last bleeding, which I did! So I think befriending my body helped but also holy shit the anxiety of it alll. . . losing waht i equated to my femininity and sexuallty - and yet there was no way i could survive bleeding the way i did. Hey, we both had our hysterectomies in 2018! Fibroid Friends Forever!
So funny how similar our experiences are! I also had a partial hysterectomy (saved ovaries and cervix) via laparoscopy. And, since I still have my ovaries I still have cysts. But they’re finally shrinking.
I also painted my gazillion fibroids! Not in blood but watercolor! I keep the painting in my bathroom and look at it every day.
Yes, the anxiety and everything around it. Blargh! I’m just grateful my rockstar surgeon (a woman!) did such a great job that I don’t have any periods anymore! At least there’s that.
Ah I really enjoy hearing your story and do hope you write about it. Love the similarity as I felt so solo during it all. My surgery was in a Woman's hospital and while all my nurses, anesthesiologist, and prettyy much the whole staff were women, my surgeon was my obgyn at the time - the only man who seemed to be in that whole place ha. And yea, on periods is where it's at!
You have such an incredible way with words. I love reading your thoughts and letting them inspire me to be a better writer as well. As you know, I'm a big fan of honest writing. Thank you for always sharing your experiences with us.
I could literally read anything you write. And I just did. 😀
That literally elicited a spontaneous smile on my face