On the 5th anniversary of your death, I felt liberated and light, with a body of bird bones and powdered down, on the verge of flight. But on this 6th anniversary, it is the polar and the opposed. Grief is like time, a nonlinear construct dressed as a sequential and organized line. It happens in a smatter, the explosion of sorrow that continues to drizzle, mist, and rain down for all eternity. Sometimes the rain quenches, and sometimes – like today – the rain is simply acid.
One of the most painful of things that our lives may bring expressed in a most beautiful poetic way that doesn't diminish the pain but by contrast reveals it for the living thing that it is, too.
I too carry a same sadness, almost 50 years now. It's lessened by the decades, but not forgotten.
You are so true that each year feels different - and this year he chose to bring thunder, lightning, rain and a total electrical outage at the time he walked on - as I was getting ready to slip into bed that night my farmhouse world flickered and then went totally dark - and in the darkness I could feel his silent smile and see the flicker of humour in his eyes
My heart hurts for you and yet I am happy you wrote this. It’s so painfully beautiful.
Thank you. Apologies for my long delay, always love that you read me.
I’m sad that your heart is so heavy, but I’m thankful you’re willing to share that weight with us. May Juan’s memory be a blessing.
"may juan's memory be a blessing," yes yes, Yardena, I need to switch to this thinking. Thank you.
I honestly have to stop reading you sometimes, when I am slogging through a manuscript of my own. You are just that good.
Hhaha and I'd likely say the same after reading you - we are our own forest and trees. Thank you for reading, friend!
One of the most painful of things that our lives may bring expressed in a most beautiful poetic way that doesn't diminish the pain but by contrast reveals it for the living thing that it is, too.
I too carry a same sadness, almost 50 years now. It's lessened by the decades, but not forgotten.
"but not forgotten," yes that is a truth you don't learn til you learn it. Thank you, Victor.
You are so true that each year feels different - and this year he chose to bring thunder, lightning, rain and a total electrical outage at the time he walked on - as I was getting ready to slip into bed that night my farmhouse world flickered and then went totally dark - and in the darkness I could feel his silent smile and see the flicker of humour in his eyes
flicker of humour, too true
Your words convey the weight so beautifully x
Thank you so much - and yes, the weight.
so sorry. Just breathe in the quiet. Smile of the memories.
Aw thank you, Jan!