I’ve made a new best friend. Tho she doesn’t know it yet. Two days ago, no, actually, it was yesterday. Yesterday, I was at our local Sherwin-Williams store to purchase stain. A 5-gallon bucket that went quickly later in Jim’s spraying of our long privacy fence. And since it’s “our” fence, we made sure to stain both sides so that our neighbors received an upgrade as well.
I waited in line behind the DIY Memorial Day remodelers. The gal in front of me wore runners, high-legged and low-waisted denim shorts, and a nearly see-through tie-dyed white loose tank top that easily revealed her inked skin. She wore no bra on her chest and used no razor on her underarms. Beneath a hat, sprouted two hot-pink pigtails. The skin that wasn’t inked, especially on her legs, was nearly transparent so that you could see the pale pink and blue veins that mapped her physical city. While some postures are apparent from thrown-back shoulders, her shoulders sloped forward a bit, like creepers trying to catch a glimpse of her loose tits. Upon her back were well-tattooed characters I’d never seen before. Two slightly cylindrical best buddies in an embrace, and what appeared to be a little blue mini fridge riding a skateboard. The renegade appliance reminded me of the Brave Little Toaster. If you haven’t seen that animated movie, I highly recommend it, and while I can’t stand the voice of the toaster, I was convinced the air conditioner was voiced by my beloved Jack Nicholson. The A/C unit was actually Phil Hartman doing an impression of Nicholson’s vocal depiction of Jack Torrance.
Anyway, while I waited for my stain to be shaked and she waited for her paint, I asked her if she had her tattoos done in town. We talked about her back piece, and she said “It’s a cover-up piece that I went crazy with because I love the show.”
I refrained from referencing the Brave Little Toaster and instead just asked, “Oh, what show? I couldn’t pick up the references, but the art is hella cool.”
“Adventure Time,” she replied with the enthusiasm of someone being the first person to ever show someone a sunset.
I admitted to never having seen it and said that if I were to ever get a tattoo from an animated show, it would be Pam from Archer, as she’s my spirit animal. My new pink-haired friend was immediately on board, but even more so when I said Jim wants to get Bender from Futurama on his skin.
“You have SO many options with both of those characters!” She beamed.
As we continued to talk in the now filling-up store, she offered to show me the back piece that was concealed by her tie-dyed tank and lifted it up in the back, inviting me to look. I took a touch as she tried to point to an unreachable part of her back, and while making connection with the flesh on a stranger in public would normally seem unnerving, I felt totally at ease, and her body didn’t flinch so much as relax into my fingertip. She told me how this 3-year tattoo project is being finished on Tuesday and that it’s the most painful thing she’s ever had to endure, and apparently, she’s also undergone childbirth sans meds. I would expect nothing less from a braless babe who doesn’t shave.
The cashier waited somewhat patiently, with the 5 gallons of stain at his feet, as we finished our intimacy. We said goodbye, and I walked out on the exaggerated bubbles of cartoon champagne, thinking I’d never see her again, but being so pleased I met her this one time.
So imagine my uncontained glee when I saw her again today!! Jim and I were exiting the same grocery store where he fell victim to photophobia, and there she was, walking across the parking lot and heading into the doors we entered an hour before, but not the doors we were exiting now.
I gulped and sort of squealed to Jim, “There she is! There’s the tattoo girl!”
“Cool,” he said in his non-plussed city way.
Her hair was untamed by a hat and unrestrained by bands, so it hung in a flattering blunt cut above the shoulders who slope towards her breasts. She shoved her hand into her back pocket, and all I could see now was her walking the opposite way of us. As she was heading into the sliding doors, I said to Jim, “Do you think I should holler hello?” I can’t recall his exact reply, but what I picked up was, “Ha, you do you.”
While I want to be more East Coast, sometimes my Plains Roots show through.
I almost yelped “Hey, paint girl, hello!” But she wouldn’t know she is Paint Girl. So we walked towards our car as the doors separated me from her. I got giddy with Jim when I realized, based solely on the bumper stickers alone, that my new best friend parked next to us. Over and over again, I said, “Omg, I found a new best friend!” as Jim continued to load the car.
“She let me touch her skin, and she seemed really cool. And she had kids without anesthesia. And I really like her tattoos. And if we move to a big city, I will make SO many friends! But I also know who not to talk to because not everyone in a big city WANTS to have a new friend.” My words crammed together like a crowd at a bus in the rain, and when I looked up I saw the whole trunk was full and latched, and Jim waiting at his door for me to let him in.
I don’t know if I will ever see her again or if we will ever be friends. But maybe if we do someday become close, then I can share this with her, and she will know that either our friendship was meant to be or that I have half the genetic code of a stalker in me.
I feel tattoos are the ultimate conversation starter. If I move and cannot get friends I am totally getting a couple.
That is so cool! Blaze out!